White noise

Sydney is changing. Like many other metropoles, shifting infrastructure attempts to keep up with the growing population. While I can talk all day about the state government’s neat job, that would be like me singing a lullaby. No, the last thing I’d want is to lull my readers into sleep. Today I would focus on one area, the curious creatures that I bump into, on the morning and afternoon peak hour trains. So much noise about congestion on Sydney’s roads has desensitised us, but the same can almost be said about our trains. Try boarding a train between seven and nine AM (morning peak), on any train line save going south. Chances are, you’ll be squishing with other early birds. You will likely encounter the same scenario during the afternoon peak, and would be silently wondering, ‘why has it come to this?.’
All you’d desire at that moment, while standing with seventy other commuters, is an unremarkable trip to/from home. Sadly, the inclusion of ‘beastly behaviour’ on public transport squashes this. Today we look at the top 5 ‘beasts of badly behaviour’.

1. The human stereo

In my opinion, these sadists are the worst beasts on our trains and buses. They blare their physique so loud that you’d wonder if they are bothered by ‘NOISE’, no matter how big the font size is for NOISE. Doesn’t matter if it’s jumbo headphones, or unsuspecting earphones, these grubs act like they’re the only buggers on earth. Who knows, they might be extraterrestrials, from the planet Moron.

2.’The shover’

Another scourge on public transport, the sad products of our society. They’re the type who pushes, elbows and bumps you. It really makes your day, and transpires when you get on and off the carriage. They nudge you, and they shove you, intent on getting a VIP seat on a has-been car. Even worse, passengers have not even alighted when they start impelling you forward. I was witness to one memorable instance years ago. As a throng of people started boarding the evening train, a guy told a woman, ‘stop pushing me,’ before turning round and adding ‘f… you’. We must bear this maxim in mind: Blessed are the weak, for they shall inherit the earth.

3. The walking afflicted

You might not spot them at once, but you could sure feel them. You feel them fluffing in front of you, until you hear another one freezing behind you. Soon enough you’ll hear an orchestra of the unwell. What’s really annoying is not that they’re thick, but rather, their being inconsiderate towards others. I’m not saying fluffing should be banned, but gasping without cover is unhygienic AND impolite. Now I thought I had it bad with the fluffing bunch, but wait, there’s more. A former colleague once told me that he saw someone rabbiting on the train. I’ve also heard of hissing stories a while back, when a train was held up for hours on a tunnel (most stations in Sydney’s Central Business District are underground)

4. ‘The grubber’

These a-holes want to ‘own’ everything, even if that means encroaching on others’ peaceful enjoyment. They put their feet on the seats, and act like they’re the last person in the galaxy. When it’s time for others to enjoy this piece of real estate, they retain their hold on public property. They try to come off as dope, but we all can smell their fracking B.O. armpits.

5. The Garbo

It’s simple: please do not litter. As the recorded train voice announces, ‘please take your rubbish with you, and dispose of it thoughtfully’. Sadly, this is not always the case. There has been many occasions, when I’ve sat down on the train, only to find out that some considerate devil has left food wrappings, Maltesers, or mandarin peelings on my newly occupied seat. Some of these clowns are yet more brazen, leaving thrash in the presence of others. You never know what gems you’ll find either, from Macca’s to KFC, Doritos to stray rice grains. My advice to those who love eating bananas? The train seats are not an option; ‘don’t be a tosser’.

Faced with congested roads, the state government has been hard at work, and billions of dollars is allocated on major projects across town. The cashed up pollies are now focusing on such developments as linking major arteries, the light rail construction, upgrading train stations, creating the northwest rail line…this is getting boring again. You could be any of those beasts on the train, or you could be none of them at all. Given the infusion of paraphrased, and direct, quotes on this post, ending the article on a couple of them would seem fitting. ‘Do the right thing’, they say, and ‘no one is above the law’.

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