The Toilet Tandem

This past weekend, shocking news of a toilet incident surfaced. A pair of rugby league players were unceremoniously booted out of a Sydney toilet cubicle. A Queensland Maroon fullback and a his benchwarmer teammate comprised the unfortunate duo. The question remains: what was the inebriated tandem doing huddled in a toilet cubicle? I guess that’s what’s been bugging the public. Someone suggested that they were just ‘letting off steam’ after a hard earned thirst. By the way, other post titles I considered were ‘The Toilet Twosome’, ‘Boyz in the Cubicle’, and ‘The Love Seat’.

Highly regarded

The Origin representative is one of the most highly touted fullbacks in the game. Aside from representing Queensland, he also captains his home squad. This has been a trying year for his club as they underwhelmed all season, missing the NRL (National Rugby League) Finals. However, the victorious Maroons outfit during Origin was a silver lining for the chap. Since then, he has been ruled out for the season due to injury. He was originally from Western Australia but grew up in New South Wales. His parents are both Kiwis and his surname rhymes with Kalinga.

Not a landmark case

While admittedly surprising, this isn’t the first incident of its kind in human history. Using the time machine, we could step back to the 90s when Hugh Grant decided to hire a hooker. In LA, said lady gave him some car service before they were charged with flashing. I recall seeing Grant’s mug shot regularly on a billboard as I was on my way to uni. It was a far cry from his performance in Four Weddings. Liz Hurley, his girlfriend at the time, was very supportive and stood by her man. A happy ending wasn’t to be as they parted ways a few years later.

Speaking of flashing, a few months back, this chick made headlines for storming the field in her bra. The match involved the Parramatta Eels. I don’t know what was more troubling: the fact that she interrupted the game or her pear-shaped figure. Since I’ve began with the players, it’s only fitting to include the fans’ ‘contribution’. The next day, her boyfriend dumped her, writing that he can’t believe she was such an idiot. Clearly, she’s a massive attention seeker, probably a narcissist. The match was halted for some time as a result of this field invasion. If she was looking for her fifteen minutes of fame, she certainly got it.

Another notable toilet incident involved Sonny Bill and Candyce Falzon. They were both also in a cubicle and were caught in a compromising position. The former has played both rugby union and league, even suiting up for the All Blacks. He helped them win the 2015 Rugby World Cup. That year, I recall watching the action while downing some Heinekens. The latter was a major sponsor. Early in his career, Sonny Bill won a premiership with the Canterbury Bulldogs of the NRL. He is known for his knack for offloading the ball. The incident had little effect on Sonny Bill; the same cannot be said of Candyce. Eventually, Falzon would marry cricketer David Warner, with whom she shares three daughters. The dubious outing would follow Warner even to South Africa. Fans would taunt him with Sonny Bill masks.

More bad boys

He should’ve learned from his teammate. The former Rooster copped a seven match ban after kissing a woman and simulating a sex act with a dog. It wouldn’t take a genius to see that the guy was wasted. The punishment was a bit lenient. Who could forget that Aussie rules player who was caught in a compromising image with a canine. The next day he couldn’t even finish his statement before breaking down in tears. His fam were his only friends. The jokes reached as far away as Taiwan. Eventually, he packed his bags for Europe.

Invested

When something like this transpires, people would wonder what they were up to. Instead of a place in the Hall of Fame, they’re relegated to the Hall of Shame. Perhaps they will move on like Sonny Bill. The game needs number 9 and he’s a nice fit for Queensland. Jonathan Thurston spearheaded the Maroon’s unprecedented dominance. He also had his unflattering days, but all was forgiven. By the time he was done, he made good to bring the premiership to Townsville.

Bizarre though this may be, nobody ever mistook rugby players for choir boys. As the clubs invest on their young players, they know that they’d act up now and again. Indeed, barely a month goes by without an NRL player making negative news. So long as it doesn’t affect their output on the field, ‘boys will be boys’. Previously, someone even told me that he wonders how rugby players are so fit when they do their share of silly stuff. As they say, ‘the proof of the pudding is in the eating’.

Thurston
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