This Yuletide, we reconcile the fictional Slam Dunk character with his NBA counterparts. In high school, among my peers, the anime production was the biggest hit. In the past, I’ve sketched the series’s main roles. Hanamichi is the star of the show. He is known for his red hair and fiery temper. He constantly courts trouble but ultimately wants to win gorgeous Haruki Akagi’s heart. I also described him as the chairman of the boards. Initially a hoops beginner, he grows to love the sport. He stands at 188 centimetres or around six foot two. On the court, he suits up as a power forward. He despises losing and plays to win. He learned how to dribble, make layups, and short stabs. Finally, after putting in twenty thousand of them, he became a jump shooter.

Regardless, here’s the criteria: erratic behaviour, constant foul trouble, ejections, rebounding prowess, and they must play the four. If they could fire from midrange, that’s a bonus. Curiously, all three listed forwards have a Michigan connection. Rodman started his career with the Pistons. The OG Bad Boys made three straight Finals, winning in ‘89 and ‘90. In ‘04, Sheed earned a title with them. They beat a Lakers team headlined by Shaq and the late Kobe. During the offseason, the Lake Show had also added Karl Malone and Gary Payton. Meanwhile, Draymond is from Saginaw and in college, starred for the Spartans.

The 90s

Trivia: This Hall of Famer is a five-time NBA Champion. He’s a two-time Defensive Player of the Year (DPOY), a two-time All-Star, and a member of the NBA’s 75 Greatest Players. He led the league in rebounding for a record seven straight seasons. He once dated Madonna and cameoed on professional wrestling. He is nicknamed The Worm.

Answer (in Jeopardy style): Who is Dennis Rodman?

Most of us would remember him in his Chicago Bulls tenure. In the Windy City, he won his last three rebounding crowns. He was a big part of the three-peat squad. In 1995-96, he combined with Michael Jordan and Scottie Pippen in effectively the sport’s greatest team. Apart from gobbling up the boards, he made first team all defence. This marked the initial and, so far, only time that three teammates made first team all D.

While with Chicago, Rodman was badass. He would dye his hair red (like Sakuragi), green, and anything in between. He also had piercings and tattoos galore. His antics inspired lengthy suspensions. When he was actually on the hardwood, he would get technical fouls left and right. In his last season, he missed a game to hang out in Vegas. He was also ineffective in Game 7 of the East Finals. Former teammate Isiah Thomas noted that the crowd would rather have The Worm than Dickey Simpkins. Ultimately, Phil Jackson’s presence saved him.

Despite his issues, his rebounding was second to none. He would outwork taller and heftier big men. He would regularly outhustle Shaq and Mutombo. He had an incredible nose for the ball. Often, he’d tap the ball several times to himself. This created more opportunities for his teammates to score and more chances to win. Though his temper was a problem, he knew his role and played it well. He didn’t try to carry the scoring load. He didn’t handle the ball as much as Pip and MJ. He chose his spots and didn’t jack up ill-advised threes. When he was open, he would shoot. When he got good positioning in the paint, he tipped them in. At least on court, Rodman is a close relative of Freddie Abuda. The former Beerman was known as The Scavenger because a great deal of his scoring came off putbacks. He was also a rugged defender like Dennis the Menace. Both of them played for their league’s marquee teams, though Abuda was a model citizen.

The Worm once held the record for techs, which Karl Malone now owns. While not as foul prone as Sakuragi, his hotheadedness is well known. He once head butted a referee, eerily reminiscent of Hanamichi’s shenanigans. Unlike Sakuragi later on, his jumper is erratic. In college, he was a big scorer in a minor league. Since suiting up for Detroit, he has stuck with rebounding and defence.

The 2000s

In his career, this cager had the most success with the Detroit Pistons. He was a four-time All-Star and one-time NBA champion. He was one of his era’s most talented power forwards. In his prime, he was a double-double machine. He holds the regular season record, with forty-one technicals in ‘01.

Answer: Who is Rasheed Wallace?

Wallace had a long NBA career. His most notable stops were in Portland, Detroit, and Boston. A 6-11 four man, Sheed was known for his petulance. Once, he got ejected for merely looking at veteran ref Ron Garretson. In the early naughts, he was the so-called Jail Blazers’s poster boy. After racking up the record techs in 2001, he was the main reason behind the league’s rule change in 2005. Since then, a player would miss a game after accumulating sixteen T’s in a single season. Subsequently, a cager would get suspended after every eight technicals. This has made his cluster in 01 hard to topple. Incidentally, at 28 send offs, Sheed holds the record for most career ejections.

Apart from his Ts, Sheed is synonymous with the expression, ‘Ball Don’t Lie’. The phrase is employed after a missed technical free throw. The penalised player would utter this, a sort of karma after a botched call. In 2012, Sheed was with the Knicks. He was T’d up and then-Sun Goran Dragic shot the technical. He missed, prompting Wallace to exclaim, ‘Ball don’t lie!’ After the declaration, he was then issued another T and was ejected.

Wallace was also known for his predictions. While with the Pistons, he seemed to make some forecast each year. The first such prediction came in the 2004 East Final. After surrendering Game 1, he told the media that they would win Game 2 in Indiana. Well, it took a heroic block from comrade Tayshaun Prince to save the day. After the match, reporters eagerly quizzed Sheed about another guarantee-Sheed. The latter became much more cautious, saying that ‘I guarantee Games 3 and 4 would be played in Detroit’. In the next few years, as the Pistons became East Finals regulars, he would clinch his first five predictions before faltering.

While in Motown, he would mellow out. He was nowhere near as aggro as before. He would win a chip in 04, when they manhandled the LA Lakers in five. Thus, he has as many NBA titles as Paul Pierce, Kevin Garnett, and Dirk Nowitzki apiece. He found his happy place with them, together with consummate teammates like Chauncey Billups and Prince. Their first five weren’t superstars. However, their egalitarian offence stressed teamwork, ball movement, and lots of stingy defence. As one news outlet proclaimed, it’s better to have four stars than one superstar.

The 2020s

He’s an undersized four man. A four-time All-star, he plays for the Golden State Warriors. He has won four NBA titles and has been to six NBA Finals. He was the league’s DPOY in 2017. At 19 send offs, he has the most number of ejections among active NBAers. He is currently suspended indefinitely after hitting Nurk.

Answer: Who is Draymond Green?

After being picked in the second round of 2012, Green backed up Dubs star David Lee. However, by the playoffs, he had supplanted an injured Lee in the Warriors’ first five. In the opening round, he made some timely threes against Denver while also containing Kenneth Faried. He became a spark plug off the Oakland bench. This was the series that made me part of Dub Nation. Though they would succumb to the Spurs in six games, the tone was set. Two years later, the young Dubs would take out the battered Cavs for their first title in forty years. Green caused a stir after hitting Steven Adams in the groin. This transpired in the 2016 West Finals. He wasn’t forced to miss any games.

In the Finals, a similar thing happened when he targeted LeBron’s crotch. As a result, he was suspended for the all-important Game 5, where the Warriors could have closed out the Cavs at home. His team ended up losing in seven. Green put up historic Game 7 numbers, but King James and his chase down block doomed the Warriors.

They recruited free agent Kevin Durant and were now called The Hamptons Five. They made three consecutive Finals before injuries to Durant and Thompson cut the champagne short. Earlier in 2018, Green and Durant started bickering on the floor, with Green calling Durant a beyatch. After the season, KD bolted for Brooklyn.

When things are going well, Green seems like the smartest player on the floor. He is often deployed as an undersized centre and could guard the paint and the perimeter with equal efficacy. He switches between targets like a Tardis on steroids and has even led the league in steals. Apart from this, he’s a great facilitator for a power forward. His Swiss Army knife of skills has seen him rack up triple doubles with ease. He’s been dubbed as one of the most versatile players of all time. However, when things get bad, Green’s dirty tactics are to blame. It could be said that his cat fight with LeBron cost the Dubs a second straight chip. Had he behaved, the 2016 Warriors would’ve been the crème de la creme of NBA teams. They had already posted the most regular season wins ever. They were one Finals win away from making history.

Together with Steph Curry and Klay Thompson, they form the Dubs’s core. The Splash Brothers are all world shooters. Their combined twelve championships are more than Shaq and Kobe’s total. The trio breathed new life for the long suffering Bay Area ticket holders. However, Green’s status is up in the air. He has just signed a big four year deal. Given his issues, other teams are wary of signing him. At the same time, with his callous disregard for the rules, he doesn’t have the confidence of the Oakland franchise. Even his General Manager couldn’t rule out considering other offers for their defensive linchpin.

With his latest infraction, the league has made it clear that it would not condone Green’s actions. These are not basketball plays. His coaches and teammates have made enough excuses. Green has to change his mindset. There is no place for his tantrums in a man’s league.

Last season, Green punched teammate Jordan Poole in practice. This created locker room tension. Poole didn’t recover and wilted during the postseason. Their run halted in the second round. This year, Green was suspended for five games for chocking centre Rudy Gobert. After the incident, Gobert called Green’s actions as ‘clowning behaviour’. He pointed out that Green’s ejections always came when Curry wasn’t playing. Looking at his cycle of send offs, Rudy was spot-on.

Note: You’re probably wondering why there’s none for the 2010s. The answer is that no one fits the bill. Matt Barnes would be the obvious choice. However, he was utilised as a small forward. At 17, Dwight Howard has the third most career ejections. Once again, he was deployed as a centre.

To be honest, Sakuragi’s red hair should remind us of the Christmas season. His clique should reference our caring for loved ones. Shohoku’s scarlet uniforms ‘make the season bright’. The basketball becomes the silver bells. The show’s humour prompts us to cheer up. When Hanamichi purchases brand new shoes for a pittance, we can cull to be smart buyers. There’s a lot to learn from a kid’s show.