What’s the funniest misunderstanding you’ve ever been part of?

The following is from my first book. It’s based on a true story.

Once she bought a 10kg bag of white rice from Woolies. Having seen a cheaper match at the Coles catalogue a few days later, she would return said item. Her friend had also given her movie passes, so we decided to watch Fracture as well. I snacked at her place before we saw the movie, but I was seriously famished after the session.

‘Do you want to have dinner?’

‘Yes, I’m starving,’ I told her.

‘We’ll be having supper soon anyway. I’ll just refund the rice and we’ll go home.’

As we left the carpark, she realised that she was over the four-hour free parking limit. She must pay the excess usage fee to the attendant at the gate. While driving the car towards our suburb, she couldn’t let it go.

‘Anak ng pating (crap),’ she said. ‘The savings from the rice just went to the parking fees. Oh gosh.’

I turned towards the window, unable to stifle my giggling. Here was a woman who would enter and exit the carpark, intent on avoiding charges.

Once at home, she commanded me, ‘Eat slowly’.

If it weren’t for your penny-pinching, then I wouldn’t be eating like this, would I?

Adding to the comedy: she talked with a baker for fifteen minutes. Those on the queue gave up, saying ‘She’ll take all day.’

Had she not wasted those minutes, she wouldn’t get slugged with the parking fee. She liked to ask me, ‘Whatcha gonna do?’

She also told me to remove my DVD as it was acting up.

‘That is-tee-you-peed (read: stupid) asshole!’

‘Get that off my player before it ruins it.’

I decided against joining her at the supermarket another time, opting to stay in her cute car. That was when she got into an argument with the checkout chick. She was next in line when the lass ignored her and entertained someone else.

‘HEY, I’m next!’ said pint-sized aunt Jess. ‘I came before the couple you’re serving now.’

Avoiding a scene, the pair stood aside and allowed her items to be scanned first.

‘You’re a racist,’ she told the chick. When she came back to her Beatle-like wheels, passengers from other cars gawked at her. I only shook my head as she retold the vignette. The other white customers must be thinking, ‘This Thai-looking senior is small but terrible.’